November 2nd

Ok, so I have not posted lately about anything that has happened in the last month and a half. I do apologize for that I do. However, I am not sure how to post about any of it. I am going to try and keep this post from becoming a full-on novel. But I warn you now, if you are not a place where you can freely let the tears flow, stop reading, or go somewhere where you can.

So today marks the 1 month anniversary of Grandma leaving us on this earth to begin her journey to heaven and to be with her children that passed before her. It is very hard to believe that it has already been one month. There are days when I am hit by it and miss her so much and there are days, when it doesn't hit me. This was definitely one of the days that it hit me. She go sick and left us so quickly that I think sometimes my brain forgets that she is really gone.

It took today to remind me that she has been gone for a month and of course I struggle with that. There are so many thoughts and feelings that run through my mind when I think about this. Of course knowing that our baby is coming (well due 3 weeks from today) it makes my heart sad that my Grandma will never get a chance to meet him or her. I trust in the fact that God may have given her a glimpse of her newest Great-Grandchild when he called her home, but I don't get that moment, where I am able to introduce my baby to her for the first time. I know it may seem crazy, but it makes me feel a little robbed. Robbed of that moment to see Grandma's eyes light up as she holds her newest great-grandchild for the first time on her favorite holiday. This is one I am really struggling with and probably will for a while as baby is not here yet. I know that it is ok to miss her and I don't wish her back, I guess I had just hoped for a little more time. A little more time to love, visit and just be with her.

I am sure there will be more posts on this as I get closer to due date and as time comes and goes I will have lots to share, but for now, I will leave it at this, Grandma, I miss you so much and I pray for you and ask you to pray for all of us that we may grow closer as a family and closer to our Lord. I love you and miss you!"