Today, please bear with me!

Ok, so I am going to real for a bit. I am going to continue to post all the appointments and craziness that has happened with them, but I feel right now I need to just put down some of what is going on in me.

Truth is, I am really struggling right now. I know it is fairly normal as we have had a crazy year, but that doesn't really help me feel normal. I feel like my feelings are all over the place and than I start to question God and then I feel guilty, because things could be so much worse, and we are finally starting in the right direction and getting somewhere so we know where to go from here. I however feel like I have just fallen into a black hole. Ok, maybe I have been here for a while, but am just now realizing it.
It isn't fair that little guy is probably going to have to deal with this his whole life. Wasn't his crazy entrance into the world, just that, crazy enough. We now have so many more things to deal with, I, at the same time feel God telling me that I need to be grateful for Nicholas' time in the NICU because there is a large possiblitiy that if it wasn't for that time we wouldn't know anything or have any of the services we are recieving right now. I know what I should be feeling, I know that I have a beautiful little boy who is so amazing and beautiful and a blessing in our lives everyday, it just hurts so much to watch your child suffer. The problem is that he isn't suffering per say right now. He just is as he is. I know this is more idle ramble, so if you are still reading, thanks and I apologize all at the same time.

I am sure there will continue to be these random posts as I am trying to process and work through all the new information we are recieving. I know you are not aware of all of that information yet, but I am getting there, I promise I am.

Thanks for reading and being supportive, hopefully I can pull myself back together. I know this has helped so I think I will allow myself to post and be productive with my feelings so I don't fall into a place I can't process at. Please continue to pray for all of us, but especially me as we go forward and also as I pass on to you all that has happened as of late.